


Are you okay?

by orphan_account



Category: Bring Me The Horizon, You Me At Six
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, lots and lots of angst, poor baby oli, serious trigger warning okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-15
Updated: 2014-06-15
Packaged: 2018-02-04 18:18:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1788571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Can you hear the silence? This white swirling void of nothing that fills my head. Can see the dark? That bleak haunting look in my eye. Can you fix the broken? I'm as broken as it gets. An old throw away toy. Good for nothing. Worthless. Can you feel my heart?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Are you okay?

Can you hear the silence? This white swirling void of nothing that fills my head. Can see the dark? That bleak haunting look in my eye. Can you fix the broken? I'm as broken as it gets. An old throw away toy. Good for nothing. Worthless. Can you feel my heart? 

The lyrics burn in mouth as I scream them out. They have never felt more true and the words that fill my head as I stare at Josh makes the familiar itch under my skin return. Burning and ever present, it nags at me. Making me want to run of stage and grab the nearest sharp object to put to my skin.

When the set finishes my throat is raw and dry, my eye a little bloodshot from the tears I refuse to let fall. Tom shoots me a concerned look but I brush him off when he asks what's wrong. What isn't wrong? That would be an easier question. I tell them I'm going back to the bus to have some vocal rest and try to ignore the sound of Josh following me there.

The air is clear and cool, soothing my wrecked vocal chords as I breathe. 

Josh pushes me up against the door of the bus when we are inside, his lips against mine. I try to focus on his touch, to ignore the incessant buzzing but I can't. I need something. Anything.

Josh pulls away and asks the dreaded question. The one he knows the answer to. The one he's known seen we met. Since he found me laid out in a pool of my own blood. Yet still he asks in hope that one day the answer will change.

"Are you okay Oli?"  
"No."

I fall asleep with Josh singing softly into my ear. His voice being one of the only things to wade through the sea of snarls and insults that swim through my mind, calming me and locking the growling monsters away. I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim.

Days become weeks. And Josh's touches and words become the anchor that holds me to the ground. That stops me floating into oblivion. 

"Are you okay Oli?"  
"No."

Of all things, its an accident in the end. A bright flash of headlights that snuffs out the person I most love. Josh can't help this time. Its my fault. My fault. I should have protected him. I was meant to keep him safe. 

My parents are crying and I know I should too but I can barely hear the muffled sobs around me over the screaming inside. It hurts more than anything I've ever experienced. I long for that feeling to not feel at all.

"Are you okay Oli?"   
"No."

Two months is how long it takes for Josh to let me be left alone. It wasn't long enough. The moment the door closes a blade in against wrist and I am dragging it across the ink-covered skin of my forearm. Blood trickles out and my vision is so blurred, my hand so shaky that I can't get deep enough. Frustrated, I drop the blade and walk into the bathroom. Josh has only nipped out for a second. He'll be back soon. Hurriedly, I grap his sleeping pills and swallow as many as I can.

I'm sorry brothers, so sorry lover.  
Forgive me father, I love you mother.

I can hear Josh come home. I can hear him pounding on the door, his voice full of desperation and clogged up with tears. He knows. He's always known. I long for that feeling to not feel at all.

"Are you okay Oli?"  
"Yes."

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so so sorry. A friend of. Mine requested something sad so I wrote this. I cried whilst writing it and I'm sorry if you did too. *sobs into distance*


End file.
